Waiting

So the weeks are ticking by and I am still playing the waiting game, waiting for the literary agents that I have contacted to get back to me. I have had one reply, but it wasn't what I wanted to hear; the agent just said that my writing wasn't what he was looking for. I'm going to wait for a couple more to come back then start looking for another few agents to try. It's all so new to me, and I don't know if I'm going about it the right way, but I'll just have to persevere with it.

I suppose the worst case scenario is that nobody wants to publish me, which I suppose is a very real fear and possible reality. However I am still feeling very proud that I have in fact finished my book, and that I love it and enjoyed it. Getting it published would just be incredible; an absolute dream come true.

Whilst waiting I have had further changes in my life. I have finally landed a job copywriting for a website, which means I am leaving teaching. To be honest I am really relieved, both from taking a breather from teaching but also to finally get paid for a bit of writing. It is quite a pay difference, which is something that will take a bit of getting used to but I am ready for the change, and for the challenge. Hopefully this is the start of a really positive chapter of my life.

Just Keep Swimming

I have to admit that I think I have moaned quite a lot so far on this blog, but it is very therapeutic - so I recommend you set up a blog and do the same.

I am going through quite a challenging time at the moment as I feel like I have spent so much time planning my life only to find that someone else somewhere has something completely different in store for me. From being a child I have suffered from OCD and it was only a couple of years ago that I have been able to control it, rather than allowing it to control me. However old habits die hard, and so there are still some things that creep in to my everyday life.

I have always had the plan to work my way through education and constantly look to progress and improve. I completed my BA and a few years later did my MA and have looked into PHDs. I am traditional in the sense that I wanted to be married, get a mortgage and a successful career, and I have worked my way up a ladder in a respected profession. But somehow I have just achieved my PGCE (teaching qualification) and realised that its not the career I wanted to have. Of course my dream career would be writing professionally, but we all know how hard that can be, so until then I have had to 'work'. I can't be the worst teacher in the world as I wouldn't have got to where I am, but my heart just isn't in it. I now feel that I have failed because I feel like I have wasted many years when I could have been working towards something else.

There are also other aspects of my life that have changed, which I will go into at a later date, but they have led me to realise that 'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy'; there is more to life to work, and there is no one that I need to prove myself to. Now I just want a stress free job, which gets me by, so that I can focus on more important things in life. However now I find myself in a new job desperate to get out, and wondering how hard it is going to be applying for jobs in a different field, now that my CV is so tilted in another direction.

The Writer

I thought it was about time that I actually shared a little more about myself with you, then maybe my posts might not be so random.

I live near Scarborough in the UK (you know the one, 'are you going to Scarborough fair?') It is a small seaside town and live in a village on the edge of it and on the border of the North Yorkshire Moors. I am so lucky to live here, as it is utterly beautiful and no matter what kind of day you have had it is only a short drive to somewhere to put you at ease.

I have done my fair share of studying and I have attained a BA, MA and more recently a PGCE. I have been working in education for nearly 7 years now, however over the last few months I am beginning to think that maybe it isn't the right career for me. Obviously a job writing would be ideal, but I haven't had a lot of luck there...and then there is animals, I would love to work with animals! Again I have been lucky with being able to progress within my industry, but you've got to do what makes you happy and with the way that the education sector is ran, it just doesn't make me happy.

I live with my amazing husband with our menagerie; a Husky called Esme, German Shepherd called Dexter and two cats called Figo and Bowie.

My family really do make me happy.

 

When I was at uni the first time I thought that I wanted to be a film director, but then I realised that I actually wanted to be writing the stories. So I went on to do my masters degree in Creative Writing. I had so much fun on that course and it was all for pleasure. I had previously written a screenplay and wanted to rewrite it as a novel - which I have now complete (though it is more of a novella). And that brings me to where I am today, waiting for a response from the literary agents I have pestered.

 

I know that writing won't necessarily make me famous, or save me from the boring everyday, but it does give me hope. It allows me to think that I can do anything. It doesn't matter if nobody reads my writing, what matters is that I have achieved something at the end of it. There were times I was really worried that I wouldn't finish it, because of time, commitments or that I'd give up. But I've done it now, and I can't wait to do more! 



Nerves

Last week I managed to have a last read through of my novel and did any last edits and changes. Then I emailed it off to some close family members and friends who I trusted to check for any further errors and give me some constructive feedback.

What I didn't realise was how nervous that would actually make me; this is people I have known for years. And when I was doing the final read through all of a sudden I was thinking about those people would be reading it and considering what they would think of me for writing it. It is a pretty dark story - I'll tell you more about it soon - so I was wondering what they would think goes on in my head. Then I got to thinking about whether they would assume that certain elements were true, or had happened to me. This made email little snippets to my husband asking his opinion before I sent it to my guinea pigs.

So far however the feedback has been really positive. I think most of them are shocked that I actually can do creative writing, and not just say I can. I do want them to be critical too though, because if there is something they don't like, then the chances are that it will be the same things that the public don't like either. They may find it hard to point out the negatives, but I really need them to, but I can take it. When I did my creative writing degree, I learnt that constructive feedback was one of the most valuable aspects to my writing, and after you got over the first few times of trying to justify to writing, you would look forward to the ideas other people could give you.

Also this week I have actually sought out some literary agents and I am beginning to send things out to them. Most of them want the first three chapters or 10,000 words, a synopsis and a cover letter. So that's been a bit of additional writing for me this week, but it is all very exciting. If you have any advice for me I'd certainly appreciate it.

Literary Agent

   I'm starting to get quite nervous about getting my novel published.  I am also looking at getting a Literary Agent to. To say that I have been working on my novel for quite some time it is quite odd to think that I know so little about the industry and what to do next. I think part of me even began to believe that it was never going to happen and I'd be the butt of jokes for years to come...

 

   Thankfully it hasn't come to that though now and I can quite confidently say, 'Yes, I have finished it'. The next stage, nonetheless, does seem almost as daunting. This website has been particularly helpful :)
https://www.writersandartists.co.uk/writers/advice/1012/preparing-for-submission/how-to-find-a-literary-agent/

Tough Day

   Sometimes things can go right for you which ends up making you think positively about all aspects of your life. Things start to look up and you feel lighter, freer. Then other days can take all of that away from you. I've had one of those days where little niggly things here and there have built up into a dark and lingering cloud. 
   There is a lot on my mind at the moment. So much in fact, that it's all struggling to stay in. I think I may be having a mid-life crisis 15 years to soon. I want it all and I want it now. I'm worried if it doesn't happen now, then it never will. I can't afford to fail; I never have done. I can't stand making the wrong decisions. Right now I don't know what I should be doing. What are my priorities now? Things that were important just aren't anymore.
   My writing keeps me going, allowing me to think that maybe one day in the future it'll all work out and it'll have been worth it. I'll achieve my goals and then I can die satisfied. I'm having a tough day. Please share any words of wisdom that you may have.

The Next Stage

   The last two years have been particularly busy for me. I have been completing a PGCE alongside teaching full time and it has absolutely killed me. A lot of people complain about how teachers get long holidays, but those people never see the teachers going in early, leaving late and working through their breaks, not to mention taking their work home at weekends. As it has all been new to me I have wanted to make sure that I do everything correctly and so have put my heart and soul into every aspect, sacrificing an awful lot of my free time. It has paid off however as I have now completed and passed my PGCE, from which I graduate in September, and I have secured myself a new job.
   Unfortunately however this has led to my writing suffering. I sat at my laptop a fortnight a go, embarrassed to find that my last save on my novel had been a whole year ago. I always had in the back of my mind that it had been a few months ago, but never a year. How could I call myself a writer, when I am not actively writing? I have twitter and I have had blogs, but again, I have not been contributing in the way I had always planned to, it had taken over everything.
   This (academic) year however it going to be about me and the things I want to do rather than what I need to do. I have a lot lined up but I will get there slowly but surely. Luckily when I started writing again I was excited to find that I was actually very close to finishing it, and after a week and a half off, I actually got it done. So, on to the next stage. Over the next couple of weeks I am going to be re-reading it, editing it, researching any issues I have and then getting some valued friends and family members to give me some much awaited constructive criticism, before I delve into the unknown of seeking a publisher. Wish me luck.